Building Bridges to the People Who Hurt You

Four Ways Jesus Closes the Gap

What does closing the gap actually look like?

The World Says:

• Forgive, but keep your distance
• Move on, but don't move toward
• Protect yourself first
• They need to earn their way back
• Time heals all wounds

Jesus Says:

• Move first—even when it's not deserved
• Close the gap—even when it's risky
• Love takes the initiative
• Grace doesn't wait for groveling
• Healing requires intentionality

What happens when we don't close the gap?

Our hearts get hard.
A calloused heart doesn't just keep distance from people—it keeps distance from God.

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Matthew 5:44

"Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"

Matthew 18:22

"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private."

Matthew 18:15

Jesus on the beach with Peter

After these things Jesus revealed Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias, and He revealed Himself in this way: ² Simon Peter, Thomas who was called Didymus, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together. ³ Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We are also coming with you.” They went out and got into the boat; and that night they caught nothing.

⁴ But when the day was now breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. ⁵ So Jesus said to them, “Children, you do not have any fish to eat, do you?” They answered Him, “No.” ⁶ And He said to them, “Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you will find the fish.” So they cast it, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great quantity of fish. ⁷ Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” So when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment (for he was stripped for work), and threw himself into the sea. ⁸ But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about two hundred cubits away, dragging the net full of fish.

⁹ So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already made and fish placed on it, and bread. ¹⁰ Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.” ¹¹ So Simon Peter went up and hauled the net to land, full of large fish, 153; and although there were so many, the net was not torn.

¹² Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples ventured to inquire of Him, “Who are You?” knowing that it was the Lord. ¹³ Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise. ¹⁴ This was now the third time that Jesus revealed Himself to the disciples, after He was raised from the dead.

¹⁵ Now when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” ¹⁶ He said to him again, a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.” ¹⁷ He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was hurt because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep."

John 21:1-17

Grace closes gaps.

What does closing the gap look like?

#1: MOVE FIRST

"After these things Jesus manifested Himself again to the disciples at the Sea of Tiberias... but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus."

John 21:1-4

The way you move toward broken relationships reveals what you believe about grace.

Send the text.

"Hey, can we talk?"

Somebody has to move first.

If somebody has to move first, why not you?

#2: ASK QUESTIONS

"So Jesus said to them, 'Children, you do not have any fish, do you?'"
"Simon, son of John, do you love Me?"

John 21:5, 15–17

Curiosity creates space where condemnation would shut the door.

Ask one honest question.

"Help me understand what was going on for you."

Somebody has to ask first.

If somebody has to ask first, why not you?

#3: RESTORE CALLING

"He said to him, 'Tend My lambs.'
He said to him again, 'Shepherd My sheep.'
He said to him, 'Tend My sheep.'"

John 21:15–17

Your failure?

It's part of your story.
But it's not your whole story.

Their failure?

It's part of their story.
But it's not the end of their story.

Give them something to step into.

A responsibility. A project. A chance to rebuild trust.

Somebody has to trust first.

If somebody has to trust first, why not you?

#4: MEET NEEDS

"So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread."

John 21:9-13

What started at a fire ended with a fire.

Do the small thing in front of you.

What do they need right now?

Somebody has to serve first.

If somebody has to serve first, why not you?

Four Ways Grace Closes Gaps:

1. Move first — even when it feels unfair
2. Ask questions — instead of delivering verdicts
3. Restore calling — don't leave them frozen in failure
4. Meet needs — love them practically

Which step will you take to close the gap?

Before you go to bed tonight:

Send the text.

This week:

Ask one honest question.

In the next month:

Give them something to step into.

Tomorrow:

Do the small, practical thing.

Bridges are built one step at a time—not all at once.

Grace closes gaps.
That's the kind of love that turns enemies into family.