In today’s episode of the Weekday Podcast, Bobby McGraw dives into the powerful influence of our words and the challenges we face with controlling the tongue. Drawing from James 3:6-8, he compares the tongue to a fire, reminding us of the lasting damage our words can cause once they leave our mouths. Bobby also touches on the “Four Horsemen” of communication—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—emphasizing how these harmful habits can destroy relationships. He encourages us to seek God's help in transforming the way we speak, turning our words into a tool for building others up rather than tearing them down
Well, hey, friends, welcome to another edition of the Weekday Podcast. We are so grateful you're here. If there's anything we can join you in praying for, drop us a note at prayer@sugarhillchurch.com. dot prayerugarhillchurch.com dot we'd be honored to join you in praying for whatever is on your heart today. In a recent podcast, we talked about being aware of the power of the tongue. And the truth is, for all of us, myself included, I think we underestimate the power of the tongue. We underestimate what happens when we speak words once they leave our lips and they enter the atmosphere. So today I want to talk about the problem. I think all of us have had a moment where we said something that we wish we could take back, something that we knew stung harder and harsher than we thought it should, and something that, honestly, that if we could undo it, we would, but we can't. And so that's the problem with the tongue. In fact, James, the half brother of Jesus, had a lot to say about the tongue in the little letter in the New Testament called James. Here's what he says in chapter three, starting in verse six and ending in verse eight. He says the tongue is a fire. Think about that imagery. The tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our body parts as that which defiles the whole body, and it sets on fire the course of our life. And it is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, it is tamed, and it can be tamed by the human race. But no one among mankind can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil and is full of deadly poison.
Man, those are really strong words. Those are really strong words. That is the problem of the tongue, that unguarded and unbridled men literally can set fire to the world around us. And so today, I want to point out just four things to watch for in your life. Four things that really are indicators, especially if you're in a relationship, especially if you're married. These are four things that are super problematic when it comes to our relationships. And these are called the four Horsemen. And Gottman wrote, has written a ton about this. And there's a lot of resources out there, but I'll just mention them here. The four Horsemen that Gottman talks about is one. Criticism. Criticism. There's a difference between having a complaint and having a full on criticism where you're attacking that person. Number two is contempt. Contempt. Whenever Gottman would say, whenever he would see contempt in a relationship, he would say, it's doomed to fail. Because anytime you start attacking the character of somebody, that's a warning sign. A third one to look for is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a way of blaming the other person. Defensiveness is a way of playing the victim card instead of owning. And then the fourth one is stonewalling. This is when somebody typically is on emotional overload and they're having a meltdown and they don't know how to deal with it, and so they just go completely silent and they stonewall. These are all symptoms. These are all symptoms that there's something going on deep on the inside of us. So today, I wanna encourage you. Be aware of the problem of the tongue. Be aware that you cannot take back things once they've left your mouth. And ask God today, God, would you recreate the way that I use my tongue? The same change that you brought to my heart. Would you bring to my speech, so that my words would not be a problem, but they'd be a gift. I hope you have a great day, and we'll see you back here soon.
