Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. Forgiveness is not pretending you weren't hurt. Forgiveness is not allowing yourself to be abused. And forgiveness is definitely not forgetting.
"Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?"
"No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" —Matthew 18:21-22 NLT
That's 490 times! But Jesus isn't giving us a specific number here. He's saying forgiveness isn't something you count. It's not transactional. It's a posture. A way of being. A rhythm of life.
Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from a debt they owe you.
"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." —Colossians 3:13 NLT
So forgiveness is an act of grace. It's giving someone something they don't deserve. It's canceling a debt they can't repay.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself as much as for the other person.
"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."
Anne Lamott
Long-Term Effects of Forgiveness on Mental Health:
Forgiveness is about your heart, not necessarily your relationship with the other person.
"We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead." —2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NLT
True forgiveness often requires something divine, something beyond our natural abilities.
When we forgive, we're not saying there are no consequences for actions. We're saying we're entrusting justice to God rather than appointing ourselves as judge, jury, and executioner.
"Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, 'I will take revenge; I will pay them back,' says the LORD." —Romans 12:19 NLT
But resentment is a prison, not a protection.
"Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven." —Luke 6:37 NLT
What we hold onto, holds onto us. What we release, releases us.
First, we need to acknowledge the full extent of the hurt. Forgiveness that minimizes the offense isn't real forgiveness. It's avoidance.
"It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God." — Psalm 55:12-14 NLT
Second, recognize that forgiveness is often a season, not a one-time event.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
Lewis Smedes
Third, separate the person from their actions.
"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." —Romans 5:8
Fourth, release your right to get even.
"You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven." —Matthew 5:43-45 NLT
Fifth, remember that you're forgiven too.
We who have been forgiven much should extend that same grace to others.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." —Ephesians 4:32 NLT
Sixth, sometimes we need to forgive ourselves.
"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." —1 John 1:9 NLT
Finally, recognize that we need divine help to forgive.
"I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" —Mark 9:24 NLT
First, there's freedom.
"So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law." —Galatians 5:1 NLT
Second, forgiveness leads to healing.
"A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones." —Proverbs 14:30 NLT
Third, forgiveness restores our capacity for joy.
"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." —Psalm 126:5-6 NLT
And finally, forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation—not always, but sometimes.
"And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation." —2 Corinthians 5:18-19 NLT
And now He invites us to continue this work of reconciliation in our world. To be people who forgive as we have been forgiven. To be people who heal rather than hurt. To be people who build bridges rather than walls.
